CH 10: SISYPHUS GOES DOWN FOR THE COUNT

The Magic Crystal Shop was nestled in a triangle where the pier forked.  The lower level opened on both forks of the pier.  The upper level was Dr. OMG's apartment and had a panoramic view of the harbor.  He could look out to sea and watch the seals sleeping on the buoys.  He could watch the tourists come and go on the pier.  From his bedroom he had a view of the cozy little  rectangular marina and all the shops and restaurants that lined it on three sides.

For the first time in all his years of babysitting Petunia Fountainbleute, she was agreeable and eager to go to bed early.  She took her medication without fuss and went straight to bed.

Dr. OMG decided he would deliver a Christmas present to his good friend Bart Gusto who had just purchased a tour boat he named "SISYPHUS II" after the independent book store he'd owned for forty years which recently went under due to the changing times.

Bart had decorated his new boat with every conceivable Christmas decoration.  It stuck out like a sore thumb.

"I can't stay for dinner, " Dr. OMG offered his regrets.  They had planned to spend Christmas eve together.  Bart had prepared quite a party spread and was devastated by the news.

"I prepared hor d'oeuvres de mepris! Enough so we could complain until New Years Day!"  Bart picked up a tray and offered his friend an appetizer.

"I am babysitting without notice again. I thank my lucky stars that she went to sleep without incident for a change," Dr. OMG explained.

"Well, have a drink at least, one drink," Bart was lonesome and trying not to think about how bad business was.

By and by both men lost track of time and were roaring drunk.  Bart opened his present from Dr. OMG.  It was a can of paint.

"What?" Bart was confused. "What kind of present is this?"

"I'll tell you why you have no customers, my friend. No one wants to get into a smelly old boat called 'SYPHILIS'!  You need to change the name," Dr. OMG offered.

"SISYPHUS! Day and night, man! SISYPHUS!" Bart gasped.

"You talk as if you believe we live in a literate society!  Shall we take an opinion poll, ask every passerby what the name of your boat means and see who is right?"

Bart took a deep swig directly from the bottle and flopped into a deck chair.

Dr. OMG took the bottle, held it high in the air and began to talk to it.

"Alas, I know thee well. Thou hast my reason killed and my thoughts made muddy....."

Bart got comfortable and settled in to enjoy the soliloquy.

Twelve year old Mark Twain's and twelve year old Nikola Tesla's jaws dropped as they eavesdropped with their fingers laced in the chain link fence that surrounded the boats bobbing in the marina.

Without missing a beat, Dr. OMG spun on his heels holding up the can of paint where the whiskey bottle had been.

"How would you boys like to make a few bucks?"

~ TO BE CONTINUED ~

RIPPED FROM THE PAGES OF WILLIAM SHAKEPEARE'S ROMEO AND JULIET, HERE COMES TROUBLE, TROUBLE, TROUBLE

These boys would make a good chorus for the Shakespearean version of CRAB LOUIE V

https://vine.co/v/htqYXLwvJ7V

Ripped from the pages

of

Master

 William Shakespeare's

ROMEO AND JULIET

With Darkness Borrowed

From

MACBETH

And Determination

Heisted From

HENRY V

With Tips Taken From

TITUS ANDRONICUS

THIS VALENTINE'S DAY

DAME JE MARSHALL PRODUCTIONS

PRESENTS

CRAB LOUIE V

The Valentine Guaranteed To Leave A Scar

CH 7: RED MADONNA, SHE'S NOT ESCAPE FROM PUSSY RIOT I CAN ASSURE YOU

"Excuse to me, old man, I'm not speaking English but if I can plaster my sister to your vindow?  I can assure you she is not escape-ed from Pussy Riot.  She is from lesser unknown Red Madonnas band currently seeking asylum in your country after first gig tonight," a polite young Russian man asked Dr. OMG for permission to post the announcement that his sister was preforming at 101 Crabs Jazz Club.

"Proceed,"  Dr. OMG replied as he locked up shop.  He was taking Petunia Fountainebleute to the arcade to avoid hefty property damage to his shop.

"Is that is like 'yes' or 'leave out of here'," the young man's younger cousin fretted.

"That is like yes. I'm not going to be Scrooge on Christmas Eve," Dr. OMG noticed that every available flat surface of the pier was plastered with the posters expounding the musical merits of RED MADONNA AND THE RED MADONNAS.

Petunia tugged on the jacket of the youngest man and translated for him.

"He said, 'Bah Humbug! Do what you want! Whatever!'" she whispered.

"What did she say? Are we allowed to do this?" Red Madonna's brother asked his little cousin.

"She said they are going to eat humburger.  I think she says we can come too, so hurry up, will you?"

"You are always eating.  I think you have an international leak or worms being taped in you,"  The older boy plastered a poster on the shop window.

"Who is going to tape worms?  Is anything make less noise than a worm?" the younger lad asked.

"This is land of opportunity.  They tape everything. All worm in USA is tape worm. Tonight they tape my sister and then it is all over for us," he pat his little cousin on the back, "Let us go get bah humburger! You're a pickle, eat your lettuce! It's an order! Do not upset us!" he began to sing what he could recall of the jingle.

"Whatever!" the younger one agreed whole heartedly.

~To Be Continued~

CHAPTER 6: OH HENRY! OH HENRY! FOLLOW THAT CRAB!

Henry Merci was hot on the trail of the vicious crab that had practically torn the thumbs off his good friend Chef Otis.  As best he could with his bleeding hands wrapped in towels, Otis motioned towards the gondola that Henry had just left the elderly couple waiting in when he heard the awful clamoring in the kitchen.

Henry was mortified to see that his gondola was violently rocking.  It was as if there had been a terrible earthquake, only his was the only boat in the harbor that was pitching to and fro.

Henry ran as fast as he could and then held the ramp rails to slide down faster than he could run.  He stopped short and almost crashed into the disheveled elderly couple trying to work their way up the ramp.

"Did you see an awful crab with a broken heart tattoo that says, 'Vicky'?" Henry called after them and rested his hands on his knees to catch his breath.

"Yes we did and we are not coming back until you can prove it's gone.  I don't mind telling you I don't approve of the language it used in front of my wife!" The elderly man patted and adjusted his Greek fisherman's cap and was thankful that it had not been lost in the fray.  He recommended to his wife that she also check herself to be sure nothing important was missing.

"We will be waiting in the cocktail lounge trying to recapture the mood until you inform us that that vile creature has been incarcerated.  I got a good look at him and will make myself available to testify in a line up if it comes to that," The elderly man took his wife's arm and they cautiously wobbled up the ramp and left the scene.

Henry went to inspect the gondola.  He was on his belly with his head under the bench when what the old man said finally sank in.  The old man had indicated that the crab had used language, foul language at that.  The very idea made Henry's head rear up abruptly and smack hard against the bench he was under.  It never works out well when large ideas come in tight quarters.  Henry decided to rest there for a moment and think everything over from the beginning, calmly and rationally.  The water slapping the boat about softly now was almost as comforting as he remembered being rocked in his parent's arms had been.  How he missed them, especially with Christmas drawing near.

All of a sudden Henry thought he heard the voice of an angel.

"Oh, Henry! Oh, Henry!  Why are you called 'Merci'? If you were truly of mercy made, would I be so starved for a kiss? Take a rich man's name so my dad will let us date or live up to your name and show me mercy tonight!" The beautiful Julia Miller whispered into the sea mist that was rolling into the harbor. She leaned on the deck railing and searched the heavens for a break in the clouds where she might find a star to wish upon.

Henry scrambled to his feet faster than a firecracker.

"Here I am!  O God, Julia! I'm right here!  I'll do anything you want, anything you need, anything! I'm right here! Oh! Julia!" Henry threw his arms up in the air with such enthusiasm that they almost flew out of their sockets. He managed to stay in one piece but fell out of the gondola and splashed into the black water of the harbor.

At the very moment, Mrs. Miller opened the sliding glass door and flooded the deck with sounds from the live band and the happy party guests.

"You're not wearing your sweater!  You'll catch your death!"  Mrs. Miller pulled her daughter inside.

Also at the same moment, Mayor George Miller rattled the ramp as he stomped down towards the gondola with the offspring of some of his wealthiest constituents and demanded that Henry produce himself to explain why the romantic gondola rides were so backed up.

~ To Be Continued ~