CH 8: DON'T TALK TO THAT CRAB!

Dr. OMG had noticed the Russians were following him and Petunia everywhere they went.  They peered around pillars, elbowed and shoved each other up and down the pier.  Each one wanted the other to confirm the dinner invitation. Dr. OMG did not notice that 12 year old versions of Twain and Tesla were also tailing him.

Dr. OMG and Petunia decided to dine at a family style seafood restaurant next to the arcade.  He ordered corn on the cob, steamed crabs with four wooden mallets and formally invited the Russian boys to join them for dinner.  After a very noisy, lively meal, the boys thanked Dr. OMG profusely and ventured off to find a surface they may have missed plastering a Red Madonna poster upon.

Dr. OMG and Petunia strolled into the arcade to while away the evening.  Petunia put a quarter into the mechanical fortune teller, "Estrella".

"I wish I was BIG!" she drew a big breath and wished with all her might.

Out popped the same card she always got and it made her as angry as ever.

"It says I talk too much!  It says I have to develop other qualities to make up for my TALKATIVENESS! It says I have a bad temper and am often fooled by flattery!  It says I will be asked to take an exciting trip but I must say no!  It says, 'Don't go!'  It says I must not talk to the redheaded man!  It says I'm messy and tend to EXAGGERATE things! I have a BILLION of this very same card at home!" Petunia stormed off to the change counter and demanded her quarter back.

"That gypsy gypped me again!  It only has ONE fortune in it!  No matter how many times you try, you always get the same fortune!  It's not fair!"  Petunia complained.

The clerk grabbed a roll of quarters and one by one put them into "Estrella".  Each time a different fortune came out.

"Sorry kid, I can't give you your quarter back," the clerk went back to the counter muttering something about rich kids.

Petunia was so angry that she kicked Estrella and threw her fortune card on the ground.

"Now, now," said Dr. OMG. "You are a very intelligent little girl, Petunia."

"I'm not so little," Petunia softened dramatically with the flattery.  She quit her tantrum and took a deep breath.

"You can prove Estrella is mistaken by controlling your temper and cleaning up after yourself.  That would certainly prove it to me," Dr. OMG suggested, hoping that behavior modification therapy might work were potions had failed.

Petunia bent down to pick up her fortune card.  She heard something.

"Pssst!" Louis Le Roux the Fifth got her attention. He was under Estrella clicking his claw like a castanet.

"Hey!" Petunia dropped down on her belly to get a better look.

"Hay is for horses.  Do I look like a horseshoe crab to you?" Louie quipped.

"Say that again!"  Petunia demanded with delight.

"I will not!  How would you like it if I made you repeat yourself?" Louie droned as if he was bored to death.

"I like you. I like you a lot!"  Petunia was very happy to meet Louis the talking crab.  She wondered if technically he was a redhead and decided he was not.

"You have very good taste, I must say," Louis informed her.

"Thank you!" Petunia rested her chin on her hands and kicked her feet to and fro for joy.

"PETUNIA! You are ruining your party dress! Get up off of that filthy floor! What are you doing down there anyway?!" Dr. OMG felt something shift inside him.  He spied the crab claw with the broken heart tattoo that read, 'Vicky' and was very unsettled.

"DON'T TALK TO THAT CRAB! HE'S A FAMILIAR!" Dr. OMG said in a guttural voice that didn't feel like his own.  He did not know how he knew what he was saying.

"No he isn't!  I've never seen him before! I would remember! He's so cute!" Petunia declared.

"Not as cute as you,"  Louis purred.  Petunia was as happy as a kitten in catnip.

"Not that kind of  'familiar'," Dr. OMG took her arm and made her get up while he continued his lecture.

"A familiar is an animal that works for a witch.  They run wicked errands for the forces of evil.  You mustn't consort with them, do you hear?"  he scolded.

"Yes, Dr. OMG, I'm listening," Petunia dropped her bag, winked at Louis and pretended to be listening to Dr. OMG's speech.  Louis knew what to do and did it. He crawled into his next victim's bag.

~ To Be Continued ~